I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Actions speak louder than pants.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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