I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
