i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
