its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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