im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
