I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
