I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
