he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
