WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
