Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
