I think my fart just growled at me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
