you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
