I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm really into asian looking animals
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
