it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize