Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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