tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
