people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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