so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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