whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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