bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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