Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
