Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
