every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
