How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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