I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
