Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
