I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
