I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize