Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
two words: eviction party
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
