So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
