are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
