Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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