I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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