You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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