Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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