he wants to bone in the snuggie
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
