i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
