u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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