how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
