I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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