No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
