So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
