How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
