fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The adults are the big ones right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
