They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
