I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
