just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize