ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
