thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
