You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
