I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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