can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
