haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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