Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
