When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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