happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
