do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
