Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
