and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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