Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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