Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
