he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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