sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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