you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
