Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
