Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
