so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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