handjob tips. give me some.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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