it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
