is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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